Yes, I've Cried at Chipotle Before. So What.

I love Chipotle, I really do. It's quick, efficient, tasty, fresh, healthy. I sometimes look forward to a Chipotle burrito as much as a vacation. Vacation for my mouth. Ay Ay Ay, burrrrrito! What. You like Illegal Petes? Really? Is is the shithouse-grade sanitation, the snarky service, the bottom of the barrel ingredients, or the dim lights? Really? Which one's your favorite?

Yes, I have cried at Chipotle because of burritomaker/customer miscommunications, mostly due to the fact that I don't like to be rushed down the line, and I sometimes can't can't put two words together to say what I want, but the tastiness of the burrito is redemption, salvation, and cooperation.

I like this guy, with his rice issues: Breaking News Chipotle Employee Just Gave Guy In Front Of You More Rice.

Three disturbingly real excerpts:

"Adding to your frustration are new reports that the customer behind you has received the same amount of rice as the customer ahead of you, thereby confirming your suspicion of wrongdoing. However, if an earlier incident at the coffee shop or yesterday's conversation with your landlord are any indication, you are expected to take this lying down, like you always do."

"More shockingly, birth records indicate that you are a full-grown adult presumably capable of communicating your thoughts and desires to an unthreatening 19-year-old burrito-assembler. Yet you reportedly continue to avoid even the most minor confrontation, despite the ramifications it may have on your upcoming sour cream and cheese allocation."

"If consulted, the Chipotle employee manual would surely verify that this is a clear breach of company policy, which dictates that a scoop and a half of rice be provided to every customer regardless of age, race, or inexcusable cowardice. Therefore, all sources confirm that you should stop acting like a little bitch who allows the entire world to walk all over him and just say something already."