Life

I get really worried that I will wake up in 30 years and not have done the things that I want to do. A lot of what I want to do will come from the things that I actually do, so I need to make sure to stimulate myself enough to make new things happen. Like a domino effect. Travels can accomplish this, the people we spend time with, how we treat people and other things. Also, our career path. Every move we make influences the next. But does it really? What if we're not even thrilled about that part? Can we start from zero? Is it ever too hard to start from zero? You always hear about older people who learn new hobbies, and say 'it's never too late! never think it's too late!' I like to remind myself this. But I don't want that to be a cop out. It's never too late, but it's never too early. To be happy and do old and new things to preserve that happiness. I get so worried about making the right choices, and balancing the pros and the cons, that I find it hard to be completely happy when I actually do those things. I'm always happy, and usually so excited to be doing those things though. Maybe the word is carefree.

Then again, I'm damn lucky to be doing anything. My anxiety would probably be attributed to the desire to do everything I want and hope for and experience as much as I can! Because I do know that I'm lucky to be doing all that, and that I am able to do anything I want. And not do anything that's not worth it. I want every part of my life to build upon the last part, and I want to make sure that every fork in the road leads the right way, and that I learn from it. Maybe I should stick to knives.